Christmas Tears xenglish versionx
by Yulah Nightwing
Summary: Christmas at the Weasley's: for Harry a pretty great idea, for his boyfriend Draco a nightmare coming true. DMHP DMBW? mild slash, Translation of my German fic


Hey everyone  
Here's a little Christmas gift for you.  
Sorry for the long delay with SoaD. We've been a little busy latley. But it will be continued soon.  
Hope you enjoy this one.

We wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year  
Love  
Yulah Nightwing & Yumeko Dragonfly

xxx

Christmas Tears

December 18th, 2002

"Hey. There's an owl from the Weasleys."

Harry Potter stormed into the kitchen of the little cottage in Hogsmeade waving a piece of parchment around. He let himself fall onto one of the white wooden chairs without paying attention to the snapping sound the old pice of furniture made and beamed at his boyfriend across the table. Draco Malfoy threw him a biding look over the rim of his book, though he didn't say anything. If he had learned anything after being with Harry for five years, it was patience. Sooner or later the ex-Gryffindor would reveal the reason for his enthusiasm, since a simple owl from one of the many Weasleys was no reason to get so excited. However, it didn't look like he intended to explain himself anytime soon. At the moment he was busy with Merlin, their dog. The great mongrel, who appeared to be more of a crossbreed between a bear and a persian rug than a real dog, ran around the kitchen like a wild goat, infected by his owner's excitement, jumped on Harry and licked his whole face. "Yuck, Merlin! I've already washed myself today. Stupid dog. Stupid, sweet dog. Right, Dusty? Merlin is a big, stupid dog." Draco rolled his eyes. Here they went again. Harry could amuse himself for hours talking to the dog and both cats, the onesided conversation becoming more and more senseless as the minutes passed. The big, grey tomcat lying comfortably on the Daily Prophet was obviously not bothered by the cooing. As always he started purring on hearing his name. While talking to the animals, Harry kept throwing Draco furtive glances, obviously waiting for a reaction.

Finally the former Slytherin surrendered. With a resigned sigh he closed his book and looked at his jaunty boyfriend with an amused smile.

"Well. Spill it. What is so terribly remarkable about a letter from the Weasleys?"

"They invited us to the Burrow for Christmas! Isn't it great? We can spend Christmas with all our friends! All the Weasleys will be there and Hermione, too, and Neville. And they invited Remus! I'm looking forward to it so much. It will be great! Three days at the Burrow!"

Draco's smile froze. "I thought we wanted to stay home this year."

"_Just you and me"_, he added in his thoughts. _"Not you and me and two dozens of Weasleys."_

"Yes, I know. But we didn't have such a great invitation then."

"What about the animals? We can't leave them alone for three days."

"Oh, the cats can stay with Mrs. Finsterberg. She's always happy to do you a favor." Harry grinned. "She's into you. If she wasn't eighty I could get truly jealous. As for the sweet, stupid, plump dog, he'll just come along." He didn't notice the fact that Draco's smile didn't reach his eyes anymore and had started to fade, because he had jumped up and thrown his arms around Merlin's neck. Then he stood up again and hugged his boyfriend. "Hey. It will be nice. I promise."

„Harry..." Draco gave it one last try. „You know I don't get along with the Weasleys all that well. I mean, Molly and Arthur are fine, but Ron and the twins… I don't want to spend Christmas fighting."

"You won't. I will tell Ron to hold himself back. Besides, he knows you're important to me, so he will surely be nice."

He pulled the slender body tighter to his own and nuzzled his lips to Draco's temple. "Don't worry. I promise it will be nice."

Draco closed his eyes, trying to forget his worries.

The disappointment stayed.

December 24th

"Draco?" Harry stood in the doorway to the bedroom and looked at his boyfriend pleadingly. "Promise not to fight. If the twins try to tease you, just ignore them. Anything else would be rude towards Mrs. Weasley."

Draco suppressed an irritated moan and let himself fall on the bed. "You told me a hundred times today. Harry, I'm not five anymore and by all means able to act civil. Besides, I'm not the one who usually starts the arguments."

"Draco, please! I know you take offence because of the taunts, but they don't mean any harm, believe me. It's just the way they are. It's got nothing to do with you." He kneeled in front of the bed and took Draco's hands in his. "Please understand, Jinx, that the Weasleys mean so much to me. They're like family. I just want this to be a nice holiday for all of us. You may not be able to comprehend that, as you always had a family, but I yearned for that all the time."

Draco pulled his hands away and stood up from the bed. The remark about his parents was like a blow to his face. Lucius had been in Azkaban for years and Narcissa was at her sister's in France, having broken off any contact to her son long ago. Additionally, though he had never told Harry, Christmas at Malfoy Manor had always been everything but warm and cozy. He didn't look at the Gryffindor, who still sat on the ground and looked at him pleadingly, angrily beginning to throw clothes into his bag on the bed instead. He heard Harry raise and come around the bed. A moment later he felt strong arms hugging him from behind. He stiffened instinctively, but let his defences fall almost immediately. _"It's not Harry's fault"_, he told himself.

"Dray? Don't be like this. I just want some nice days for us. Can't you understand?"

Draco's sigh was barely noticable. He turned around in Harry's arms and looked at him. "Fine then. I promise you not to get upset and hold myself back. I only hope your friends will act a bit more civilized than usual. And we'll spend New Year's here! You have to promise me." Harry's beaming, overly happy smile warmed his heart, thus letting him forget his doubts for a moment.

"Everything you want, Jinx. I love you. And now I'll take the cats to Mrs. Finsterberg. Hurry up with your packing, then we'll be on our way before the snow storm begins." He kissed Draco on the nose and ran down the stairs in order to catch Dusty and Isis.

Alone again, Draco sank down onto the bed once more and stared at the little package containing Harry's present undeterminedly. It was something special that he had looked forward to giving to Harry in the morning and seeing his eyes when he opened it. Underneath the plain blue wrapping a narrow wooden box was hidden, the content having given Draco countless sleepless nights. Embedded in dark blue velvet it contained two thin, plain silver ring. Rings holding a promise. It had cost Draco quite an effort to buy them. The idea had already come to him sometime in spring, but it had only been two weeks before now that he had worked up the courage to let them be wrapped and taken them with him. He still wasn't sure if this was the right thing to do and the fear of Harry misunderstanding the ring's meanings or rejecting them, of Harry not feeling this much for Draco, had let Draco wake up with a start, covered in sweat, for the last few days. No. He put the box back into it's hiding place in his bedstand's drawer. Not now. Then the jumper would have to be enough. Not a very fancy present, but there was nothing to be changed about that now. The thought alone of giving Harry the rings in the presence of the whole Weasley-Clan was simply inconceivable. Of course, Molly, Ginny and Hermione would be delighted, but he didn't want to begin to imagine the reactions of the male Weasleys. Damn weasels! They seemed to be anywhere, anytime and regard Harry as their property. Lately he spent a lot of time at the Burrow or in Ron's and Hermione's flat in London. They met for Quidditch or with Fred and George in their store or some Gryffindors dropped by in order to reminisce. And never did it seem to occur to Harry that it might bother Draco when there were always people running around in their house. That it might hurt him to be left out all the time, never to be included. And lately it only got worse and Draco had the increasing feeling that Harry distanced himself from his boyfriend, slipping away from him. Suddenly there were the doubts again. Maybe he should give the rings back. Maybe their relationship was doomed to fade away… maybe…

"I'm back! Mrs. F. wishes us a merry Christmas and she told me she would save some of her sister's sweet potato stew for us and… hey, what's going on? Why are you crying?" Harry pounded up the stairs and was taken aback when he saw Draco sitting on the bed with tears on his face. He sat down next to his boyfriend and softly stroked his arm. "What happened?" „It's nothing. I don't know. I'm probably just a bit soppy at the moment, 'cause of the season and everything, and I have barely slept last night and I'm tired and… it doesn't matter. Nothing happened. No need to worry." Draco reluctantly wiped the tears from his face and managed a lopsided smile.

Harry looked at him doubtfully. "Are you sure?"

"Yes! Harry, come on. Everything's fine. Christmas makes people become a little weird. Don't look so worried." He entwined his arms around Harry, let his fingers glide thorugh the tousled, black hair, nuzzled close to the familiar body and started kissing him softly.

For a moment, Harry caught the silver-grey eyes' gaze, tried to figure out the thoughts behind them, before giving up. He closed his eyes and gave himself completely to the desire surging in his body. Draco watched, satisfied, as worry and doubt vanished from Harry's face. For a moment he thought about what would happen if he told the Gryffindor of his fear and insecurtiy, but he feared the consequences too much, so he remained silent. It was better this way. Harry's heart was too soft. And no matter what happened, Draco didn't want him to stay out of sympathy.

xxx

"Harry! Finally, there you are. And you brought Merlin. Hello, sweet dog. Come in. Mum was so worried about you getting into the snow storm." Ron Weasley practically jumped into Harry's arms the second the door was open. Then he copiously greeted the dog, which jumped around excitedly. Only when Harry and Merlin were inside he seemed to notice Draco. His huge grin vanished and his whole expression clearly showed that he wanted nothing more than to band the door closed. "Oh, hello, Malfoy." His voice was cool and bored, but his face seemed to say: _"Piss off, Malfoy! You are not wanted here! Harry is our friend and you're only an intruder."_

Draco chided himself inwardly for his paranoia and put on a neutral face. "Weasley. Thanks for the invitation."

"Got nothing to do with it. Mum's idea." Without taking further notice of Draco he turned around and went to the living room, where Harry was already greeted with great enthusiasm. Draco closed the door, leaned against the reassuringly hard wood and closed his eyes. _"Stay calm. You'll make it. Just be nice and polite. Do it for Harry. These are his friends and they mean much to him. You want him to be happy, right?"_ Since leaving their house he had kept repeating this mantra and sometimes he even succeeded in believing it. Now there was another tiny little voice deep inside of him. _"And who wants to know, if _you_ are happy?"_

"Oh, shut up", he murmured.

"Sorry, but I didn't say anything." It was an amused voice, a small laugh swinging in it.

Draco opened his eyes and saw a tall, nicely built and – of course – red-headed man in front of him, whom he had never seen before, but identified him as a Weasley immediately. He felt a slight blush creep into his cheeks.

"_He must think I'm nuts! Standing around in the hall, talking to myself!"_ Aloud he said: "I'm sorry, I didn't mean you. I was kind of preoccupied."

A lopsided grin lightened the freckled face and let the blue-grey eyes glow. In addition there was a slightly messy plait and a silver earring, which gave the unknown Weasley the appearance of a downright attractive pirate.

"Hi. I'm Bill. You must be Draco."

"Yes, I am. Hi." Draco took the offered hand. The fingers were callous and warm.

"Did you intend to stay in the hall the whole day or will you join us in the living room?"

"Well, the hall has got much to offer."

Instead of answearing, Bill laughed. "I don't think Mum will be fine with that and she's the boss in this house. She send me to look for you."

The living room was hopelessly crowded. Every possible seat was occupied. Draco let Hermione and Mrs. Weasley hug him, shook Mr Weasley's hand and politely answered the usual questions about health and work. Then he looked around for his boyfriend. Harry sat squashed between Ron and Remus Lupin and heatedly discussed something with the twins. Remus, who had been talking to Hermione, nodded towards his former student in a friendly manner. Draco stood there undeterminedly and only listened half-heartedly to what Arthur told him about the Department for Muggle Artefacts. He would have liked to sit next to Harry, but the couch was overly crowded already. Harry raised his eyebrows apologetically and shrugged. Then he motioned towards a little stool at the other end of the room, where Percy and Penelope sat away from the rest. Draco felt a small stab of disappointment. Hermione noticed his dilemma and turned to her husband. "Ron. Would you come over here and sit with me for a while?"

"Why? Hermione, I'm having a chat over here."

"Please, Ron. I'd like to chat with you as well. Moreover, Draco could take a seat as well."

"Why? There's a seat over there. Or isn't it good enough?" The last remark's snappy tone could not pass unnoticed. Fortunately Charlies' five years old daughter Mona accidently let her cup fall down, so that Ron's remark was not heard by all, because everyone attended to the crying child. But some did hear. Hermione had, as well as Harry and Remus.

"Ronald Weasly! We talked about this in detail this morning!"

"Yeah, yeah, fine. See you later, Harry."

The youngest male Weasley stood up and went to his wife. As he passed Draco, he pushed him aside quite violently and spat: "I hope the couch is alright for Your Highness. The throne is in repair, I fear."

Draco closed his eyes for a short while and counted to five silently. Then he went to the couch and sat down. Harry lay his arm around him and kissed his cheek, without paying attention to the sounds of retching the twins made. "Hey, I'm sorry. I will talk to him later, okay?"

"I doubt it would be of any use."

"Come on, Jinx. Don't be angry."

At the mention of his nickname, Draco winced. "Please, don't call me that."

Harry looked surprised. "But it usually doesn't bother you when I call you that."

"Well, usually there isn't a horde of weasels on the look-out, waiting for the chance to ridicule me!" His voice was harsher than he had intended and he saw a slightly hurt expression in Harry's emerald eyes. "Listen, I'm sorry. I'm not angry at you. I'm just a bit touchy at the moment. This is making me nervous. So please don't take everything I say personally." He leaned over and kissed the sad Gryffindor softly. Fred and Ron pretended to throw up and Percy grimaced in disgust.

And Ginny cracked.

"Silence on the cheap seats! Frederick! Ronald! You better get out and help Mum set the table instead of acting like stupid comedians. You are in no way funny!"

Draco threw her an appreciative glance. Each minute he lost more of his already marginal patience and Ginny prevented him from breaking his promise to Harry not to fight with the Weasley brothers.

Half an hour later the Weasley family sat together with the guests at a long table and everyone was curious how Molly had succeeded in making room for everyone. Arthur sat at one end of the table and let his gaze wander over the guests. To his left sat Molly, at least when she wasn't running around in order to treat to everyone. Next came Charlie with his wife Paula, the twins Ben and Mona between them so they could try to lessen the worst catastrophes. Next to Paula sat Hermione and Ron and then Fred and George, both of them fortunately single at the time. At the other end of the table sat Percy with a sour expression. To his right sat his son Joshua, who didn't dare to let a crumb fall down, then Penelope, Harry, Draco, Ginny, Neville, Remus and, finally, to Arthur's right, Bill. Nineteen people and no one had trouble breathing because of a lack of room.

"That's truly fantastic, Molly. Thanks. The best food since I don't know when. As a bachelor you don't get much substantial food on your table."

Remus' gushing praise made Molly blush.

"I'm glad you like it. And I'm happy with your compliment. My lot shoves everything inside as if there's no tomorrow. I could serve them old socks and pebbles, no one would notice the difference. It's most important that there's plenty and often, the rest doesn't matter."

"It's that way with boys, Molly. I always ate my mother's hairs from her head as well."

"I hope you'll leave some space for dessert. Harry, dear, would you hand me your plate, please? Then I can give you some potatos."

"Thanks, Mrs. Weasley, but I'll eat the ones Draco has left."

Molly was alarmed immediately. "Don't you like it, Draco?"

"I do, very much so. But I'm full. Thanks."

"You can't possibly be full already. You have barely eaten anything."

Harry waved dismissively. "Don't worry, Mrs. Weasley. He's not a great eater. He won't listen to me, talking to him is of no use."

"Well, it's not caviar", murmured Fred. "No, besides, he has to be careful with his figure, otherwise he won't fit into his clothes anymore", came Ron's silent reply. They continued whispering to each other and a few minutes later started to giggle hysterically. No one noticed their outburst. No one except Draco. He knew they were talking about him. Since everyone had sat down they had been busy ridiculing him. Sadly he only understood pieces of the conversation as Harry talked to Hermione across the table and it was pretty noisy in general. He heard things like "to good for us", "snotty ferret", "probably anorexic", "look how he holds the knife!". And he noticed the glances, the obscene grins and the explicit gestures in his direction. From time to time George joined the conversation. Percy watched him with disgust and kept murmuring something about Azkaban and bad blood.

No one else seemed to notice any of it and Draco was on the verge of breaking his promise and fighting out of defiance. His hands shook because of tediously suppressed anger and when he reached for his glass of wine it glided from his fingers and the wine spilled onto the table and his lap. The twins and Ron immediately burst into loud laughter, while Percy shook his head, frowning.

"Really classy, Malfoy. And I thought you were raised so well."

"Shut your stupid mouth, Weasley! At least I know how to use knife and fork!" Then, towards the rest: "Please excuse me for a moment." He stood up and left the room angrily. In the bathroom he tried to get rid of the stains. When the door opened he didn't need to look in order to see who it was.

"Hey, was that really necessary?" Harry's voice sounded reproachful. "You promised!" Draco threw the towel to the ground and hissed: "Why do you tell me? Your nice friends have been ridiculing me all the time. But you don't seem to have anything to say to that. I've been more than calm until now, but eventually it's enough! It's only because of you that I'm here. I knew it would be like this. So don't you dare reproaching me!"

"I don't think they ridicule you. You only imagine that. They're simply jolly. Besides, they backbite everyone. They ridicule me all the time as well, because of my glasses and my hair. It's not meant to be mean. Please try at least to come along with the three. Or try to avoid them. Please. Do it for me. I was looking forward to this festivity so much." He looked at Draco pleadingly. The blonde cursed inwardly. Harry's pleas always gave him a hard time to resist. And it was only for three days. Three bloody days that would make Harry happy.

"Fine. Tell your friends to leave me alone, otherwise I can't garantuee anything."

"Thanks, love you." Harry hugged him and kissed him, long and tenderly, a kiss which gave a promise for more. Draco closed his eyes and let his anger be washed away by endearment. He was about to deepen the kiss when there was a knock on the door.

"Everything alright with you?" Hermiones voice sounded worried. She seemed to be the only one who had also heard the brother's taunts and could understand Draco's outburst.

With a resigned sigh Draco freed himself from Harry's arms and opened the door.

"Come in. I've got red wine on my shirt, but that's about it."

"Molly has a great soap for stains somewhere." She started looking through the cupboards. "She threw the boys out to have a snow ball fight oder something and cool down."

"What? Without me? Draco, would you be very mad if I joined them?"

"No, as long as you don't force me to do so as well."

"Fine. See you later." Harry gave him a quiet loud, wet kiss on the cheek and disappeared downstairs. "Hey guys, wait for me!"

"Sometimes he reminds me of a little dog that stumbles over its own legs. Take off your shirt, I'll soak it. You got something to change, right?"

"Mhm."

"I'm sorry, Draco. Ron and the twins are really awful. I admire you for hanging on so long. I would have cracked earlier."

"It's not your fault, don't apologize. It's just that I have promised Harry to get along with the three. And he is convinced that I'll like them as much as he does if only I try hard enough. However, I don't see why I should be the only one making an effort. I already know about Percy being a hopeless case."

"Oh, don't bother with _him_. But the others can really be very trying. And, well, sadly they bear grudges as well."

"I know. And it wouldn't be a problem for me, but Harry wants everyone he likes to like each other also. That's difficult."

"Yes, I know. But don't take matters too seriously. Harry loves you and in case of doubt he would always choose you. Well, I've got to go downstairs again. Don't want Molly to do the dishes all by herself. Will you be alright?"

"Yes. I'll come down in a minute, too. I just want to change first. And, Hermione? Thanks."

She hugged him shortly and left the bathroom. It truly wasn't easy for him. Even Hermione had trouble accepting Draco in Harry's life at first, but by now she had embosomed him. Ron wasn't willing to do this just like that.

An hour later Draco sat on the stairs alone and stared into the darkness. He could see the others having a wild snowball fight in the garden and heard the women talking in the kitchen. He had apologized to Arthur and Molly for his behaviour and both seemed to be of the opinion that nothing bad had happened at all. Nonetheless, he had trouble relaxing. He saw Harry throwing himself at Ron, laughing, and pushing a snowball at his neck. They fooled around like young dogs while Merlin was barking loudly and jumping around them. Draco averted his gaze and put his chin on his hands. It wasn't true what he had told Hermione. It did bother him. It hurt him a great deal more than he was willing to admit. The certainty that there would always be a part of Harry's life where he didn't belong, where his entrance was not permitted. It pained him with small, red-hot stabs of jealousy, when he saw the way Harry and Ron would talk with their heads nearly touching each other and how they would laugh about some private joke, the way they discussed banalities with such devotion or philosophised about the adventures they lived through together. Ron would always have the older right, would always be the one to know Harry longer. They had countless conjoint memories that Draco didn't share. But worse than this feeling of being excluded was the panic to lose Harry. No one who knew the cool, even-tempered Slytherin would have guessed, but underneath the self-confident, seemingly untouchable mask fear, insecurity and self-doubts were hidden. The feeling of not deserving Harry's love never left his heart. This, and the thought that it would only be a matter of time until Harry would realize this and leave him. Draco wasn't as sure as Hermione that in case of doubt Harry's choice would be him.

A solitary tear slowly made its way down his slender face and dripped on the back of his hand. A second and a third followed. Draco didn't bother to wipe them away. He simply sat in the twilight of the stairs and stared into nothing.

"Ah, there you are. Mum said you were already in bed. Everything alright?"

Bill Weasley had had enough of snow and had gone back into the house to find some dry entertainment. The women talked in the kitchen about the perfect preperation of butter cream, the children played outside, Arthur and Remus sat in front of the fireplace in the living room smoking pipe and having a "manly chat", critically watched by Percy, only Draco seemed to have been swallowed by the earth itself. Until now, when Bill hat found him on the stairs. He looked so alone and lost and unbelievably sad that the eldest of the Weasley brothers had a hard time fighting the urge to hug and comfort him. When Percy had disgustedly told him this morning that Molly truly had invited a Malfoy to the Christmas festivities, he had barely been interested. By stories he knew that Harry was living with Lucius Malfoy's son. Nothing truly exciting. His opinion had changed immediately when he and Draco had met for the first time this afternoon. This breathtakingly beautiful and mysterious creature had fascinated him excessively and Bill could not deny that he felt drawn towards the former Slytherin and regretted the fact that he was already taken. Though he was about ten years younger, he was absolutely perfect. Because of this he was more than surprised to see that Harry had left him alone in the house to go and amuse himself while Draco was obviously feeling miserable.

"May I sit down for a while or do you want to be alone?"

Draco shrugged. He didn't care. The tears had already dried but he just didn't have the energy to stand up and go downstairs; to act as if nothing had happened. Although he didn't admit it even to himself he was glad that Bill had found him here. The eldest of Ron's brothers had been downright charming and pleasant towards him throughout the evening. Draco was almost sure that he had even caught him trying to flirt a few times.

"Are you really alright? To be honest, you don't look alright. Quite the contrary. I had the feeling that you'd rather be somewhere else tonight.

"You could be right."

"I can understand that. My brothers can be real bastards sometimes. I just can't understand that Harry listens to that so calmly. If you were my boyfriend, I'd have pulled their ears long ago.

Without knowing it Bill hit the sore spot with his words. Draco felt the tears returning to his eyes. For a moment he fought against it before giving up and burying his face in his arms. Bill was shocked. He moved closer and carefully put his arm around Draco's shoulders.

"Hey. It's alright. Don't cry. No matter what it is, it's not worth it."

"I'm sorry. I don't know what's up with me lately. I'm usually not this thin-skinned."

"Nothing to worry about. Wanna talk about it? You know, sometimes it helps to confide in a stranger."

"I don't know. I don't want to whine your ears off."

Bill laughed. "Don't worry. I inherited the desire to help from my mother and I'm a good listener. In addition, I can be as silent as the grave."

"It's probably not even that bad as I imagine it to be at the moment. It's true, I'm not here willingly. Don't get me wrong, I like your parents and Gin and Charlie. And it's not about your other brothers. I mean, normally I have no problem standing up against them, but I promised Harry to hold myself back. It's just… originally we had planned to stay at home and spend Christmas alone. Just him and me. We've been together for five years and it would have been the first time for us to spend Christmas alone since Hogwarts. I was looking forward to it so much. And then this invitation came and every other year or on New Year's or whatever it would have been alright. Harry and I had planned everything and then he just threw everything overboard and decided to come here. As if he had only been waiting for it, as if I would not have been enough, as if the prospect of spending the holidays alone with me would be quite nice but only as long as there was no better opportunity. When he received the invitation it was like he had forgotten all of our plans and wasn't able to understand why I wasn't delighted. And then he forced me to promise not to fight with your brothers and I have to listen to their taunts and whispers the whole evening without a chance to defend myself. During dinner I felt like a fly trapped in a spider's web. I don't want to justify the amount of food I eat and I don't want to be ashamed of the way I cut my meat and God knows what. They expect me to accept them the way they are but they don't do it themselves. And Harry doesn't see or hear any of it. It's like he's blind and deaf when it comes to his friends. They can do whatever they want and he's angry at me because of my reaction. He doesn't put the worst things past me and is convinced that his friends are all innocent. And it hurts so bloody much! I know I'm not an angel, I'm the last person to claim anything like that. I can be mean and spiteful and I know it but that doesn't automatically make me responsible for every row. And at the same time I'm so horribly scared that someday Harry will notice I'm not as lovely and angelic as I may look. That the outward appearance is deceiving and that he will realize I'm not worth his love and that he will leave me and I couldn't bear that and… oh, bloody hell!" Draco had talked himself into a rage and for the first time everything broke free that he had buried inside of him for years. While he spoke, tears were streaming unhamperedly down his face until his voice choked on suppressed sobs. Bill felt his heart overflowing with compassion. He had the urge to spank his brothers and slap Harry really hard because he hurt this boy, who loved him so much, so terribly without even noticing. Instead of that he took Draco into his arms and just held him. After a while the tears ebbed away. Bill carefully let go of the slender body in his arms and took the tearstained face in his hands. Draco looked so distraught and heart-broken that it hurt the eldest Weasley son deep inside his sould. Gently he stroked the high cheekbones with his thumbs, wiping the tears away.

"You're unbelievably beautiful" he whispered.

Draco closed his eyes and concentrated on the warm hands closed around his face so softly, on the tender touch and the warm, comforting voice. Bill felt his heart beating faster. Then he could no longer withstand the urge inside of him. He leaned forward and kissed Draco's mouth gently.

It was in this moment that Harry climbed the stairs and stopped dead in his tracks. The scene he saw before him was like a blow to his face. Draco, who had obviously been crying, lay in Bill's arms and they kissed. It was a kiss full of tenderness. Harry knew how such a kiss felt, because these kisses belonged to him. Draco belonged to him. At least, he had thought this up until now. He felt a lump forming in his throat and tears in his eyes. Without saying a word he turned around and fled down the stairs.

Draco freed himself from Bill's arms.

"No. Please not."

"Sorry. I… I'm sorry."

"It's alright. If I weren't taken I would feel very lucky right now. But I am."

"I know. It's just…"

"No, please. After everything I told you, you have to think I'm looking for something… for someone new. But I love Harry. I love him with every fibre of my being and to lose him would be my end. He was my first and he is my only love. I like you, Bill, and I'd like to be friends with you, but there won't be more."

"Yes. I know. Harry is really lucky, though he doesn't seem to know. But your friendship is something I gladly accept." Bill took Draco's hand and squeezed it, then he stood up and turned to leave. "I'll go to bed now. It was a damn long day. Good night."

„Good night."

Bill was already halfway up the stairs when something occured to him.

„Hey, if you and Harry ever break up, call me."

He winked at Draco and hurried up the stairs then.

Draco smiled slightly and decided after a while to call it a day as well. He had had enough of the Weasley's for today.

Harry had almost arrived in the living room, when anger caught up with disappointment and pain. Without a word he turned around again, almost knocking Hermione down and stormed up the stairs. He would not give up without a fight! When he reached the stairs where he had seen them, Draco and Bill had already gone. Immediately panic rushed into him. What if they were in Bill's room right now and… Harry forced himself not to think about it. Draco wouldn't do that, right? No. He wouldn't cheat on Harry. But up until now he had been sure that Draco would never kiss another guy, a fact that had been rebuted by his own eyes against his will. Suddenly the old fear came back. The fear not to be enough for Draco. He had reached the small bedroom that they shared and his hand shook, when he reached for the handle.

Draco sat on the bet, cross-legged, reading. There was no sign of Bill.

"Hey, you're back. Enough snow for tonight?" Draco's voice was calm and soft, no trace of regret or bad conscience.

Harry closed the door and leaned agains it. He watched Draco intently. How could he sit there like that?

"What's up? Has your tongue frozen? Or have you decided not to talk to me anymore?" The familiar silver eyes looked at him questioningly.

"You know damn well what's up! I know what happened! I've seen you. So stop talking so hypocritically!"

Draco sighed. „Harry, nothing happened."

"Nothing? They call it that now, huh? I've seen you snogging with Bill."

"We haven't _snogged_. We talked and then _he_ kissed me. What was I supposed to do? I haven't asked for it."

"Oh, of course! After everything I've seen you've been defending yourself immensly!"

"What are you expecting? Me to scream the house down because of a kiss? Me to curse him? I'm sorry, I didn't have my wand with me. Perhaps you should have stayed a minute longer, than you would have seen me asking him to stop, which he did, and him leaving right then."

"And how am I supposed to know you're telling the truth? You know, that's the limit. You've been acting like the deeply wounded drama queen all night, always complaining, screaming at my friends and as soon as I turn my back to you, you throw yourself at the next guy. Knowing, for sure, he would fall for your pretty face." Harry knew that he was being cruel, but suddenly he had the urgent wish to hurt Draco. "Maybe Ron was right. I never should have trusted you. I am surprised that you're still here. Or has Bill not told you where his room is?"

Draco flinched as if Harry hat hit ihm. He shook his head slightly, not believing what he had heard. In his eyes there was an expression of deepest violation. For a moment Harry felt he could see in the silvery depth how Draco's heart shattered. Then they seemed to freeze, until there was only smokey grey ice left. These eyes Harry had seen for six years in school. Hard and icy and impenetrable they gave nothing away of what lay beyond them. Draco's voice had lost every trace of softness, but every trace of fire as well. It was cold with fury. "Don't you dare talk to me like that, Potter! You know nothing! I refuse to continue this conversation for one second. I'll go home now. And don't even think of following me before you have cooled down!" He grabbed his coat, left the room and descended the stairs without turning around.

"Fine!" Harry called after him. „Maybe I should just stay here for good!"

"Yes, maybe you should!"

"What's going on? Why are you two screaming like that?" Bill looked around the corner and questioningly at Harry. He wore pyjama pants and a loose t-shirt and looked like he had fallen out of bed.

"Go to hell, Bill! This is all your fault!" Harry spun around on his heels, went into his room and banged the door. Then he threw himself down onto the bed and buried his head in the pillows.

Now the one thing he had feared most had happened. Draco had found someone else. Someone who was more interesting, who had more experience, who was more intelligent and who suited him much better than he did.

Back then in Hogwarts, when their relationship began, Harry had been the one with experience. It had been a short while before Halloween when the famous Harry Potter, who had defeated the dark Lord Voldemort half a year before and was popular with both boys and girls admitted to himself that he had fallen for his greatest rival. Draco Malfoy, who had changed sides during the war because he had finally succeeded in escaping his powerful father's shadow. He was clever and unbelievably handsome, had no less admirers than Harry and seemed to be unreachable. And then this perfect creature had kissed him in the gardens after the Halloween ball. It had been an amazing kiss, which had made Harry forget that for him it wasn't the first. As Draco had said later, it wasn't his first kiss but the first one which truly counted. The weeks and month following this first kiss had been wonderful. Harry got to know another side of Draco that he had never thought possible. All the spitefulness and deceitfulness seemed to have vanished. He was charming and funny, soon became friends with Hermione and Ginny, helped Neville improve his Potions mark and even succeeded in ignoring Ron. At Christmas Eve they had made love to each other for the first time. Harry had been in panic, thinking that Draco had already had dozens of lovers before, as was his reputation. So it had more than just surprised him to discover that he was actually going to be Draco's first. And according to everything he knew up until know the only as well. Five years had passed and the more time went by the more Harry's silent worry grew that sometime he wouldn't be enough for Draco anymore, that his boyfriend would feel the need to widen his experiences and find a man that fit better to him. One as clever and cultured as him, who knew how to behave, who had money and good taste and was everything Harry could never be. And today this nightmare seemed to have come true. Draco had been very silent and withdrawn the whole week and today he had been in such a bad mood and very sensitive. Suddenly a terribly thought occurred to Harry: Maybe Draco had known Bill for a while had known they would meet here!

There was a knock at the door.

"Go away!" No matter who it was, Harry didn't feel like seeing anyone and explain why Draco had left.

His visitor seemed to have set his mind on it, though. There was a knock again, louder this time.

"Harry, please open the door. We have to talk to you." Hermione.

"Tomorrow. Draco is asleep and I'm tired as well."

Silent voices whispered with each other. Then, louder: "Harry, I know Draco left. That's why we're here."

"Hermione, please. Tomorrow. I don't want to talk about it today."

"Well, it looks like you have no other choice!" With these words she opened the door and entered the room, followed by Ginny and Bill, who closed the door behind him. Harry shot up at once.

"What do _you_ want? Out! I don't want you in my room!"

Hermione stepped in front of him and pushed him down onto the bed again.

"Sit down! You should probably listen to Bill before condemning him."

"Listen to him? You don't know what you're talking about. This louse had a go at Draco. He has…"

"Harry! Enough! I know what Bill did. And I believe you should listen to him."

Harry crossed his arms in front of his chest and glared at Ginny's oldest brother venomously. Bill raised his hands placatingly.

"Listen, Harry, I'm really sorry. I know I messed up, but that wasn't my intention."

"It wasn't? Do you always say that when you steal someone's boyfriend? Be happy, looks like it worked!"

Ginny interfered angrily: "Take a step back, Harry! You're not going to break up with Draco because of a single kiss?"

"How do I know it has only been a single kiss? Who can guarantee that this hasn't been going on for some time?"

Hermione was shocked. "How can you even think something like that? You know as well as I do that Draco would never do anything like that. No matter how many mistakes he's got, unfaithfulness is not one of them!"

"She's right, Harry. I've seen Draco for the first time in my life. I admit, I took advantage of the situation and I'm truly sorry for that, but…"

Harry interrupted: "What do you mean 'you took advantage of the situation'?"

"Well. When you were outside Draco sat on the stairs alone and seemed really depressive. I have talked to him and he poured out his grief to me. And then he started to cry all of a sudden. Well, I comforted him and then I kissed him. Then he told me that he only loved you and we could be nothing more than friends. You have a very faithful and loyal boyfriend, who in addition endures a lot just to make you happy. If I were him I would have left you long ago!"

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Harry! Draco hates being here! And regarding my brother's behaviour I can't even be angry with him. He told me that he had been looking forward to a calm Christmas alone with you. And that you have dropped all your plans without further thought only to force him to come to a place were he feels uncomfortable and unwanted. He said that he just wanted to spend some time with you without so many other people around."

Bill's words caused Harry to pale. It couldn't be.

"But…"

Hermione interrupted him: "I have to be honest with you, Harry, I have been wondering for some time what's going on with you. You're constantly at our place or Ron is at your's. I can't imagine Draco to be very happy about that. It's no wonder if he believes you don't want him anymore.

"But I never said that!"

"No, Harry. But you show it in thousand hidden gestures. I'm sure that if Draco didn't love you as much as he does and if he wasn't so very afraid of losing you, he would have left a long time ago. Instead of that he bears with being alone all the time or having your friends around, because he believes it makes you happy. You long for friends and a family. Draco had a horrible family and prefers to be alone with you. Since moving in together everything has been going your way. Draco has always been the stronger one, but sometime everyone reaches his limits. Have you not noticed how much he changed during the last month? He's drawing back more and more, hiding inside himself, 'cause he's afraid that every protest from him would end your relationship even faster. He seems untouchable and self-confident, but the truth is that he's suffering from the mistrust and prejudices he still has to deal with. Everyone who hears that you two are a couple pitys you and assumes that he has bound you to him in some sneaky way or another and that he has some malicious plan to destroy you. It's no wonder he himself believes that he's not worthy of your love."

Harry was too shocked to say anything. He stared at Hermione, obviously bewildered. Then, with an effort, he got some words out: "How do you know all this?"

"Remember when you were so terribly ill half a year ago? Draco sat by your bedside day and night, holding your hand. Nothing in the world could bring him to get some sleep himself. One of these nights we had a long talk and he confessed much to me. I believe that the worry about you and the weariness made him drop his usual defences. Later, when he slept, I deleted this part of his memory, for I was sure that he didn't want me to know about this. However, since then I've looked at him with different eyes. He's been through so much, lost so much, but he always kept his own pain in check, because you were more important. But always giving, never receiving something in return, that can't go on forever. What do you think why I was often angry when you were with us? And today was the day it got too much. During the whole evening Ron and the twins have made a real effort to drive Draco away. They were mean and ruthless, made one stupid joke after the other, have made up the worst dirty tricks and you just sat there smiling. And when Draco cracked and defended himself against those three, you go and get angry with _him_! If it had been the other way around he would have defended you with teeth and claws and would have made the lives of those who were attacking you a living hell!"

"But I didn't know any of this! I thought he was bored with me and only staying because there's nothing more interesting available at the moment! I mean, he's clever and beautiful and perfect in everything he does and I'm clumsy and goofy and don't ever get anything right. Why did he never tell me? I know he's a loner and thought that if I got on his nerves all the time, he'd leave me even sooner. And when I saw him with Bill I wanted to hurt him. 'Cause he hurt me so much…" Harry knew he was crying by now but didn't care. "I love him! More than anything in the world! I didn't know Ron and the others really don't like him, 'cause I like him so much I can't imagine there being people who don't. I've ruined everything again!"

"Oh, Harry. You two have to start talking to each other again. I can't imagine him really intending to leave you. Why do you think he's had enough of you?"

"Well, I…" The rest was lost in unintelligible murmuring.

"What?"

"I thought being with one man wouldn't be enough for him."

"How come?"

"I was…" Harry blushed. "I was his first and, well, I kind of thought that he'd get bored after a while with me and start asking himself whether he's missed out on something and whether there's someone out there who's more like him and fits him better."

Hermione sat back and stared at him, stunned.

"You can't be serious. Who cares how many men he's slept with before there was you? I don't think that could influence his feelings for you. You're nuts, Harry!"

Bill had been silent, but now he intervened again: "He said that you were his first and only love. If that's of any use to you. I don't think he intends to leave you."

"He doesn't." Everyone looked at Ginny.

"How do you know, Gin?"

"He has… I'm probably not supposed to tell you, but he bought a ring for you."

"What?" Harry aspirated.

"Yes. Two weeks ago. I met him by chance in the Leaky Cauldron and he looked so happy. We sat together and he showed me the ring, wanting to know what I thought about it."

Harry buried his face in his hands and sobbed.

"I'm such an idiot!"

Hermione soothingly stroked his back.

"Go home, Harry. Talk to him. Tell him what you told us. He will understand. And take care of him in the future. He needs you."

Harry stood up and wiped the tears from his face. Then he hugged Hermione and Ginny and after a short hesitation also Bill.

"You're right. Thanks. Wish me luck. And please tell your mother I'm sorry."

xxx

Hogsmeade was covered with a thick blanket of snow. The village appeared to be peaceful and silent. Harry stood in front of the door for a while and deeply breathed the cold December air in. It had stopped snowing half an hour ago and the sky was full of stars. It had to be way after midnight. He opened the front door and silently stepped into the hall, pulled of his jacket and boots and then went on. The house was dark and still. For a moment he feared that Draco may not be here at all, then he saw Isis. Draco's black cat sat on the mantelpiece in the living room. Her amber eyes were glowing in the pale moonlight.

"Hello, beauty." He stroked her head and then proceeded upstairs as silent as possible. The bedroom door was ajar. The curtains weren't drawn back and there was a burnt-down candle on the bedstand. Draco lay on the bed in a small ball, apparently fast asleep. His arm was curled around Dusty who had cuddled up to the body of his owner and purred in rhythm with Draco's breathing. Harry crept to the bed and knelt down. Draco's cheeks were reddened and still wet with tears. It looked like he had cried himself to sleep. Watching him corded up his throat. In his left hand he held a small wooden box. Two slender silver rings gleamed on dark blue velvet. Harry took the box and placed it on the bedstand, the he reached out and softly stroked Draco's temple with his fingers. "Forgive me, Baby", he whispered. He let his finger glide through the silky, white-blonde hair, breathed in the familiar scent. Draco's eyelids fluttered shortly, then he opened his eyes. Silver met green.

"Hi." Harry suddenly had a lump in his throat and wasn't able to say more.

Sorrow, agony and hope swirled in the silvery eyes. There was nothing left to see of the anger that had sparkled in them a few hours ago.

"What are you doing here?" Draco's voice was rough with weariness and from all the crying.

Suddenly the words gushed from Harry's mouth: "I'm so sorry, Draco. I acted like an idiot. But I was so scared of losing you. And I'm sorry I was so blind not to see how cruel Ron and the others are towards you. I should have defended you instead of demanding that you endure everything silently. And I shouldn't have left you alone all the time, but I thought that if I was around you all the time, you'd notice soon how boring and stupid I am and then you'd soon have enough of me and…" Draco had sat up and listened to Harry's monologue with furrowed brows. Now he lifted his hand and placed the finger tips on Harry's lips.

"Hush. What's this nonsense you're talking about? How could I ever get enough of you? I love you so much that a thousand years couln't be enough. Oh, Harry, I thought you were looking for a nice way out since I'm not like your friends."

Harry threw himself forward and pulled Draco onto his lap, holding him tightly. "I don't want you to be like them! I've fallen in love with you because you are yourself. Please. Please, don't leave me. Don't be angry with me. I love you. I love you. I love you…" For a while they sat there closely twined, listening to the other's heartbeat and breathing, savouring the familiar scent, the familiar warmth and the familiar feeling of being home. Then Draco pulled away a bit and reached for the wooden box. He leaned his forehead against Harry's and deeply looked into his eyes.

"Actually, Christmas is not until tomorrow, but nevertheless I want to give this to you now." Harry took the box and looked at the rings for a while. Then he took the smaller one and slowly put it on Draco's left ring finger. "Yours for eternity", he murmured. Draco's heart beat in his throat and he could barely see anything through the veil of tears, when he took the second ring and put it on Harry's left ring finger, repeating the words: "Yours for eternity."

xxx

When the first rays of the winter sun shined through the window hours later, they saw two figures sitting on the window sill, closely entwined and wrapped in a blanket. The larger one with black hair leaning against the window frame, his smaller, silvery-blonde companion sitting between his long legs, his head resting on the other's shoulder. The fingers of their left hands were tightly entwined and on each ring finger a slender silver band sparkled.

"Harry?"

"Mhm?"

"Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, Draco."

FIN


End file.
